James Biondo 1970
- 1998
"I Love You, I Miss You"
A hug, a smile, a cuddle
from you James and
I'll be content for eternity
Dedicated to James
Your My Best Friend,
My Companion and My Soul Mate
I Love you James With All My Heart
Your Part of Me, Now and Forever
Every moment of every day
without you has become
a dreary task to get through.
Running on empty James
and will be, until I can get
one more hug from you.
Running on empty my little duck,
until I can be warmed again
with one more of your smiles.
I Love you more today
then I did yesterday
yesterday I loved you more
then the day before
quackers bud.........
I miss you so much my lil duck
so many tears so much emptiness
quackkkkkkk quackkk
Last night I was thinking of our last embrace. I dropped you off at your parents - when I did that we normally just hugged in the car and I would drive off but for some reason I got out of the car with you and in your parents driveway we said what was suppose to be a temporary and short goodbye and sealed it with a hug and a kiss. As I walked back to the car we exchanged our usual....
"I Love You" ~~
"But I Love you more" ~~
"No I do" ~~
Sometimes it would go on for many minutes ~ a contest I guess to see who would give first If my memory is clear and usually it is not you usually managed to get the last word in EVERYTHING quackers
We never really demonstrated our feelings in public ~ certainly never in front of your parents house be it 3am or not ~ Yet for some reason we did during what was to become our last time together. You know James when I think back on it, I can still smell the leather of your jacket can almost feel your warmth as we embraced.
ALMOST....
Your hugs James were SO special. I remember the first time you hugged me in front of your Mom. We were in the kitchen and I remember when you wrapped your arms around me literally pulling me into a hug. I was at first feeling uncomfortable and ill at ease and then succumbing to the magic of your hug, I enthusiastically returned your embrace. As we broke apart I remember your Mom smiling and commenting with something like "wow".
As I felt myself BLUSH from the tips of my toes to the top of my head you simply stood there with an ear to ear grin, a smile that always brought me joy for it communicated how happy you were that I was part of your life and that brought me more joy then I was ever capable of communicating to you. Yes, James your hugs were so special to me, they were magical and always will be.
Our last words to each other were words of Love and I have thanked God many times for that cause I don't think I could have handled it at all if our last words had been some petty bickering.
Nothing seems to matter much anymore Said so much over the past few years to you.
"A FEW YEARS "
My God James it seems like a few weeks - a few months at most since.....
You are so apart of me! Everyday I talk to you focused on the picture of you which is always on my desk. There are times when I look into your picture, especially your eyes and I feel so sure that in some way shape or form you are around and understand what is in my heart, other times doesn't seem so...
Guess I'll just have to keep on talking to you everyday bud and every now and then do some rambling on these pages...you know me 'the verbose duck' who can say in 1000 words what others can communicate in 50.
I'm pretty sure you know the dictionary definition of rambling James but in case:
Webster's defines rambling as "to talk or write aimlessly, without connection of ideas".
Yep thats me !!
if your tired of hearing my continuous rambling you can shut me up. All you have to do is TELL ME YOURSELF!!
Wish you could play hooky from where your at and do just that
I LOVE YOU I MISS YOU !!!
yeppers it's been a few months but I was right just added some more rambling changed a bit here and there - still it remains just the rambling of an empty broken heart - -
Not your fault - there are times when I've felt anger at you for leaving me - but in my heart I know it wasn't your fault and not what you wanted - You fought it for years and you put up a brave and valiant fight -
How ironic it must have seemed to feel such depression, anguish and pain when things were going so well in your life -
If only I had understood - but I never felt the kind of pain you endured
UNTIL I LOST YOU and then it was too late -- note this sentence begins
with the infamous "If".
So I think there is no destiny James - our physical existence can be effected or even dependant on occurrences that would seem to be minor or trivial and we may not even be aware of - yet they can totally alter our
life !!
That's not presumption - I KNOW IT - I know if I had been there we would have gotten you through that episode and would have had at least a chance to
continue building a fulfilling life together -
Do I feel guilty .....for what? - NO not really ... BUT how many hundreds
or thousands of times have I pondered....
WHAT IF ???
What if I hadn't ???
What if I had ???
ain't hindsight
wonderfull quack!!!
"I LOVE YOU, I MISS YOU" oh we said those words to each other way so many times. Those words though are so inadequate to convey what is in my heart - I don't think there are words in any language to convey what I feel - so I'll have to settle with....
"I LOVE YOU JAMES WITH ALL MY HEART, WITH ALL MY SOUL, WITH ALL THAT I AM.
My Love for you is unconditional and I believe will endure long after I have taken my last breath.
James
Every second of everyday
I wish you were here
that you had lived
and your eyes had never closed
So many times
I have prayed to awake
from this terrible dream
so that once again
I could gaze into your eyes
and get lost in their beautiful sparkle
combined with your smile
They brought Light and Comfort
Joy and Love
And transformed my mere existence
Into Life
Since that day until today
There has been no joy
Since your absence
I no longer live
Once again I just merely exist
Although my conscience is clear
I wonder . . .
No, now I know
I could have done more for you !
For my remainder here
I shall always wonder
What if ?
Oh how I miss you
How empty I am without you
Now I exist
Wishing I had understood then
as I do now
And been able to share with you
The true depth of my Love
A Love that is
Unconditional, Selfless and Eternal .
Forever my Love, my love forever James
"your little duck"
May 2005
James I know that you know
that if I ever hurt you or caused you pain,
it was never-ever intentional
Well my lil Duck, I guess I'll just use this site for some very lonely rambling. Sometimes I just can't keep it all inside and it seems to help if I have a place to get it out.
Just rambling James - just writing whatever comes into my head - I'll probably erase it or change it whenever I visit next.
So bud guess your just going to have to put up with my talking to you everyday - course if you are tired of hearing or reading my continuous rambling you can always shut me up - All you have to do is TELL ME YOURSELF!!
Sure wish you could play hooky from where your at and do just that
Well James sometime in the early morning hours of June 23, 2005 my Mom passed on. She went in her sleep seemingly without pain and for the first time in many years looked to truly be at peace.
My prayers are that she and dad and you are in a beautiful place, a place of Love and peace and free of pain. A place where the human Love we shared is the common denominator that links our souls - I pray that is so - for then she will be with my Dad who she was married too for 56 years before he departed and because if it is so then we shall also be together once again.
You were great with her when you were around James, I remember when she met you the laughter and the smiles you brought to her face - you even managed to tease her about not having her drivers license anymore AND YOU GOT AWAY WITH IT! She liked you James - you seemed to have a special aura, especially around old people - just your presence in a room caused people to smile - so if you run into my Mom & Dad give them one of your special hugs and a couple of quacks from me.
I'll see you all when I see you all and in the time continuum it should be barely a speck of time until we are together again.
MOM, DAD, JAMES
I LOVE YOU AND I MISS YOU
Another Anniversary James
Today it is 7 years (just doesn't register)
nevertheless somehow I have existed for
2.557 days or 61,368 hours or 3,682,080 minutes
WITHOUT YOU
and everyone of them,
has been so very lonely,
without direction, without meaning,
just Empty with a Void that cannot be filled
I shouldn't be this way
I know you wouldn't want me to be this way
but it is just how it is bud
To make my existence different
I would have to want to change
and I don't
PEACE BE WITH YOU MY LOVE
Ed aka your lil duck
9 months 2
weeks and 24 days without you now
still the same - still empty - just going through the motions
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